Minsk. May. we_are_family

Some things never change. Some people go through your life without leaving even a tiny memory, but others get stuck like glue –which is, indeed, amazing. This girl knows me better than I do myself. It’s already year 6 of wine and cheese, of non-stop chatting/texting. We’ve watched a ton of movies together and been to millions of places. We know exactly what each of us was doing yesterday, a month ago, and a year. We know every guy who touched our hearts and every idea that appeared in our heads. We went on road trips and train rides together. We cried and we laughed. We think alike and grow together. We have similar tastes and both suffer from Pandora obsession. Every time I stop by in church I pray for all of my friends to find their center and become happy in life, but this girl – in particular. She inspires and gain inspiration from me. We lose and we win. Now, looking at the pictures, I realize that we are getting first wrinkles. We are not 18 year old posh students anymore, but in our big-kid new lives nothing changes – we are in touch, always. We share our lives, and even if we don’t spend much time together we ARE together, our souls are connected somehow, we are family.

This time we went on a trip to Minsk. I flew out there and Irina was in this calm and sunny city already. My perfect photographer, as usual, she captured moments, that will stay in our hearts forever. We wandered around Minsk, took pictures, talked non-stop, ate in different places, watched movies and made conclusions. Sometimes she is hard, sometimes I am. Accepting each other just the way we are is the key of our friendship and I know we are both blessed with each other. Car ride back to Moscow was amazing as every car ride with her. We sang songs like crazy women, and philosophized, and laughed, and drank coffee at the gas stations. Gosh, there are so many things we shared together already and so many more to go.

Bright summer pictures, Minsk, May 2013.

on the sandy shores

 

It’s calm and sunny at this magical place where the Desert hits the Indian Ocean. Two elements of the Universe are meeting here so easily as if they signed a special peace protocol. Hotel chains look like mountain chains, painted in the most natural colors of the Earth – white, beige, light brown, coffee and occupy the whole coastline, pretending to be part of the initial landscape, as if they have been here as long as water and sand dunes.

The country itself presents a fantastic ode to mankind. Half a century ago there was nothing here, but camels, barkhans and wild nomads spread around separated aggressive emirates. How in the world is it possible that the country just builds itself from scratch – cities, amazing architecture projects, roads, hotels – in only 50 years? The country which doesn’t have a single source of still water. The country which has nothing but sand all around? Well, apparently it is possible, the result is, damn, fantastic. Dubai is a freshly-built amazing city, full of skyscrapers that keep getting taller and taller with every new project coming up. They try to construct buildings very close to each other to spend less money on air conditioning. Most of the skyscrapers are very glossy from the outside for the same reason.  Dubai is filled to the top with innovations, every building, every project is screaming right in your face that it is, indeed, the most impressive, the fanciest, the most expensive one – in the world. Emirates have oil, which makes gasoline really cheap – around 50 cents for liter. I think I could stand still and stare at cars forever – the biggest, the most powerful cars, all shiny white and dramatically toned, Land Cruisers and Sequoias, Range Rovers and Patrols. The engines never stop to keep it freezing cold inside every time you jump in from the boiling hot outside. Emirates maximize everything – the coffee is the most bitter I’ve ever tried, desserts are the sweetest, Indian Ocean is the saltiest, Sun is the hottest. If you want to know how it feels to live life to the extend – this is the right place to go. There are 9 international airports for 8  emirates and now this country is on the 3d place of wrold connections. The plan is, of course, to have 100% of all connection flights to happen thru here. They have no other option but to take ocean water and make it still – can you imagine what a technology? The country has no taxation – at all. It does have licenses but no taxes. The key source of money is oil, airports, roads – most of big business belongs to the government.

Every travel spot is a big life spot for me. I have recently realized that when my mind wanders it doesn’t come to an empty place any more. It comes to my next journey destination. I live by ideas and plans of where I am going next and this inspires me so much. The most interesting thoughts, the greatest ideas, all changes of mindset and search for my own self – it never happens in Moscow. Here I only run like a crazy woman and DO things while I actually THINK about them every time I am travelling. This time, I didn’t even talk for more than a week – I read, and explored, and analyzed. I had my phone turned off and a gozillion of thoughts written down in my new Moleskine that I took with me.  Oh, of course I did a little shopping– what a fool would not shop in Dubai? Lol. Malls, btw, have an obvious Arabic glow like a prayer break every now and then and those ladies covered in black from head to toes checking out piles of stuff at the register (while you can only see their eyes – weird). Rather than that stores are exactly like in Europe or America. May be a tiny bit cheaper because of the tax-free zone, but nothing too impressive. Well, anywhere in the world is cheaper than Moscow, no surprises here. Oh, I also wore all my bikinis, switching them couple times a day - magnificent Cali flashback.

Every time I sit at the airport waiting for my boarding time, I sum up. Not only the trip I am coming back from but my whole life up to… today! I thought time for self-realization, spent in Dubai, will get me back on track. Actually, I discovered a new track instead. Letting everything go through yourself and yourself through everything to become who you actually are. Using the power of love and forgiveness instead of blocking what you don’t want to hear/see/know seems like a major change in the mindset, right?

Tanned and inspired, I am waiting for the new Lessons of Life and my next travel destination.

Hello, tomorrow!

rehab

Moscow is definitely not the right place to rehab. It just doesn’t let you do so. With all its party craziness, with the speed of a Ford Mustang GT it’s yelling you right in your face: “Go girl, get your body/soul out of the blankets/lattes/thoughts and live on!” You have this weird feeling like someone is chasing you – day by day. Every time I make a tiny attempt to take it mellow, just stay in with a tremendous cup of green tea and wow-mendous amount of books/magazines/thoughts around I understand that it simply doesn’t work like that. There is no way to change your habits and become a home-sitting proper young lady if you are not. It’s pointless to pretend that you are not an “every evening never home” girl. Even if your phone is switched off, it’s like you can seriously see your friends faces being like what in the world. If you want to fulfill a proper rehab – then travel. Like Liz did in Eat. Pray. Love. book. You will obviously get a decent chance to find your center. Going to a place no one knows you and sitting there – might probably work. Staying in Moscow attempting to make some time for yourself – fail.

Well, all in all I was not doing too bad this week. My weird, weird schedule looked as follows: work 9 am to 6 pm, run 7 pm to 8 pm, sleep 9 pm to 7am. Period. As simple as that. How did it feel? Totally awesome. A sweet combination of runs and 10-hour sleep made me wake up every day like I am a newborn. I didn’t pick up the phone and didn’t hurry anywhere. I got a little rest from driving all the time and lounging somewhere after work or chatting. I cleaned my head, my heart and my stuff as well. Deleted phone numbers that I never dial. Files I barely use. I literally threw bags of shit out of my car. Just a couple American quarters left inside. The theory of “you are not using smth for more than half year – you don’t need it” works, absolutely. What for to keep memories if they don’t brighten up your days anymore?

And – you know what – at the end of it all when you finally stop for a little while and look around – surprisingly – you get this awesome feeling of relief and … butterflies. I’ve been always inspired by speed – I thought  it’s the only power that puts life inside of me, my life, my city. But suddenly I come to realizing that sometimes you just need to stand still and look. Not even look but watch and track your thoughts, your emotions, your words. Not in a bad way, of course. Just kinda listen to yourself and go with the flow. I loved this feeling and found my obvious and simple idea for the upcoming spring/summer season – standing still instead of rushing. Taking everything easy. Being grateful to whatever life gives you and spending a chill, slow, lounge time. As soon as I made this decision, ideas came in huge packs, out of the nowhere. Sunrises and sunsets, roof dinners, watching planes taking off, going to random places and looking for the new cafes, stores, parks, damn, peoplewatching here and there – I want to squeeze every pleasure! lol

I am sooooo excited for the warm months when I get back to wearing my bikini top on a regular basis, and wedges, and light linen pants. I am excited for cold Starbucks coffee drinks and bronzer on my cheeks. I am excited for coral lip gloss, beach parties and weekends. For picnics and wine spritzers. For Toms shoes, fedoras and bangles of all kinds. For travelling and taking pictures. For new people, emotions, small talks. For tanned legs, and shopping, for terraces and Mango/Melon/Mint hooka. For going out in my Loboutin shoes, gettin drunk like a crazy woman and going barefoot! All of these happy expectations are lazy and slow in my heart. It’s cool if it goes this way. I will be chill if it doesn’t.

Sometimes when you push life too hard, it punches you back even harder. What if I try to let it go as it goes and not push then?

little talks

I was thinking about men and women a lot recently, and came up to the idea which is kinda of new and ridiculous to me but totally suits my understanding, at this moment of my life, when I am 22, young, inexperienced, stupid. Building a relationship with someone has pretty much only two options. One is falling in love like a crazy woman, when this weirdo standing in front of you is no doubt the best, the coolest, the most handsome creature in the entire universe. You are completely lost in him and nothing else matters. Two is rational emotion. It may seem weird – what in the world is rational emotion when we talk about feelings but I experienced that myself and I think every person did. You may feel whatever, you might even get all the butterflies in your tummy but at the same time you look at the person accordingly and can figure out smth particular about him, his character, his pros and cons from the very beginning. The fact is that either way, sooner or later, you will face the person just the way he is. One day you will wake up and realize that you hate it that he says ‘shit’ in every sentence. Or he wears Gap instead of Tommy Hilfiger. Drinks black tea (!) not coffee. There is always smth about the guy that just doesn’t sit in your head right. The way he acts in this specific situation or in general. His gestures or words. I don’t know what’s worse – to realize it from the very beginning? Get used to little detail that bothers you and отдавать себе отчет that he might or might not change – the chances are very doubtful btw and you have to accept him anyways and face it day by day, year by year. Or live in the complete, vivid love for a couple years? When nothing can disabuse you in the strongest belief that the person you are with is your 100% soul mate. You live in this awkward illusion of entire happiness and understanding even though the reason is that you simply want to understand every single word and thought, you want to see the very best traits of someone else’s character, catching every little tune, every tiny mood swing and balancing on those. When this happy blind time passes, you meet the person himself, just the way he’s always been in reality. Gap instead of Tommy Hilfiger, tea instead of cappuccinos, one way or another.

 

We are all really different and we care for various things. What we are common in is the desire to search and finally find the right one. The perfect combination of everything all together, mix and match in one particular person. We always search and never find. We get tired of it all and settle down. There are ones who keep on searching no matter what and stay alone all their life. There are others who pick the first and get used to it. My story is the story of ups and downs, of multiple wrong choices, the story of pure excitement, love, passion and then emptiness, chaos, life rearrangements, over and over again. My story is a little puzzle of emotions, words, interests, pleasures, thoughts and little talks that fill my life to the top with… life. The more I laugh the more I cry, as simple as that. I find my center and lose it again. I build expectations and tear them apart. I make steps forward and steps back. I think and talk, I listen and think again. One day I will get back to myself just the way I am and, probably by those times I will be 76, watering roses in a beautiful garden with my old dog hanging out somewhere around. I have a long way ahead and obviously, the answers will come, with men, books, places.

“After all, baby, remember what they say – sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” 

 Elizabeth Gilbert. Eat, Pray, Love