Well, all
in all I was not doing too bad this week. My weird, weird schedule looked as
follows: work 9 am to 6 pm, run 7 pm to 8 pm, sleep 9 pm to 7am. Period. As
simple as that. How did it feel? Totally awesome. A sweet combination of runs
and 10-hour sleep made me wake up every day like I am a newborn. I didn’t pick
up the phone and didn’t hurry anywhere. I got a little rest from driving all
the time and lounging somewhere after work or chatting. I cleaned my head, my
heart and my stuff as well. Deleted phone numbers that I never dial. Files I
barely use. I literally threw bags of shit out of my car. Just a couple
American quarters left inside. The theory of “you are not using smth for more
than half year – you don’t need it” works, absolutely. What for to keep memories
if they don’t brighten up your days anymore?
And – you
know what – at the end of it all when you finally stop for a little while and
look around – surprisingly – you get this awesome feeling of relief and … butterflies.
I’ve been always inspired by speed – I thought it’s the only power that puts life inside of
me, my life, my city. But suddenly I come to realizing that sometimes you just
need to stand still and look. Not even look but watch and track your thoughts,
your emotions, your words. Not in a bad way, of course. Just kinda listen to
yourself and go with the flow. I loved this feeling and found my obvious and
simple idea for the upcoming spring/summer season – standing still instead of
rushing. Taking everything easy. Being grateful to whatever life gives you and
spending a chill, slow, lounge time. As soon as I made this decision, ideas
came in huge packs, out of the nowhere. Sunrises and sunsets, roof dinners,
watching planes taking off, going to random places and looking for the new
cafes, stores, parks, damn, peoplewatching here and there – I want to squeeze
every pleasure! lol
I am sooooo
excited for the warm months when I get back to wearing my bikini top on a
regular basis, and wedges, and light linen pants. I am excited for cold
Starbucks coffee drinks and bronzer on my cheeks. I am excited for coral lip
gloss, beach parties and weekends. For picnics and wine spritzers. For Toms
shoes, fedoras and bangles of all kinds. For travelling and taking pictures.
For new people, emotions, small talks. For tanned legs, and shopping, for
terraces and Mango/Melon/Mint hooka. For going out in my Loboutin shoes, gettin
drunk like a crazy woman and going barefoot! All of these happy expectations
are lazy and slow in my heart. It’s cool if it goes this way. I will be chill
if it doesn’t.
Sometimes
when you push life too hard, it punches you back even harder. What if I try to
let it go as it goes and not push then?
